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Friday, January 20, 2012

“Naughty School Teacher”

Miss-Adventures: A Hapless Helpless Hopeless Dater
Interesting.  Artistic.  Boundary Pusher.  A school teacher.  Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

I need to preface by saying that I have a serious thing for pretty school teachers (you can add firefighters, EMTs and some police officers to that list, as well).  No kidding – pretty school teachers make me completely weak kneed.  I blame my high school French teacher, Madame La Vert.  She was my first teacher crush: beautiful, refined, elegant, so very kind and she spoke four languages.  Need I continue?

Part two to my preface: I have always gravitated towards artistic types.  Actors, musicians, writers, photographers, painters: you name it, I’ve either dated, crushed or fallen for it.  You can keep your laborers, athletes and most professionals – I want artists, school teachers and civil servant superheroes and I usually go for them with reckless and shameless abandon.

I think you can guess where I’m going with this … Naughty School Teacher was an art teacher and an artist.  Best. Of. Both. Worlds.  (Can I have two or would that just be greedy?)

So I e-mailed her.  I tell her that I love school teachers and artists and I would love to meet her sometime … No reply.  Radio silence.  Crickets.  This is no big deal to me.  Nine times out of ten, you send an e-mail and never hear back.  I don’t take it personally as this always comes back around to type and preference.  I have a type, you have a type; it’s not really about who you are as a person and if you let ego get in the way, online dating will never work for you.

A couple or three weeks go by and I’m still thinking about NST.  So I break from my usual rule of one unanswered e-mail and walk away, and I decide to send her another.  (See? – reckless and shameless abandon!)  I explained to her that I’m breaking my rule – I just had to try and reach out one more time because I am ever so curious about her.  It was a pretty good e-mail, if I say so myself.  I told her that if she doesn’t want to reach out, she doesn’t have to; if I’m just not her type, I’d be open to meeting a new friend; and if it doesn’t work out in any way shape or form, I respond to “fuck off” really well.

And so, I get an e-mail back.  She apologized for not e-mailing sooner and explained that she was planning to reply to me after my first message but that she was side-tracked by the new semester which had just begun.  I’m elated – I really, really wanted to meet her.  I poured through her profile, her photos and her multiple-choice questionnaire at least a half dozen times.

On top of all of the lovely characteristics I noted above (interesting, artistic, boundary pusher, school teacher, gorgeous), she had a very, very naughty streak: sexually confident, open to anything and seriously erotically charged.  And this is just what I picked up from her profile!  What would I find if we met?!

So we e-mailed a few times and she’s cordial and very cautious and very happy to talk about her work as a school teacher.  I suggested that we try to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime and she tells me that she’s decided to shut down her dating profile and that I should e-mail her at her personal e-mail address.  So I do.  And in one of my e-mails to her I casually asked her what made her decide to shut it down so soon after creating an online profile and she tells me that she only opened the profile because her ex boyfriend (a “polyamorous asshole” who cheated on her and broke her heart) is on the same dating website and she wanted to get even with him.

Ohhhh my god.  How does one even respond to that?

I’m going down the list of things to say.  What should I do?  I’ve got a hundred different things running through my mind: this chick is obviously a little crazy; she’s vindictive; she’s immature; she’s hurting; she’s vulnerable; she’s using people to make her ex boyfriend jealous … whatthefuck?

Now, here’s the thing about me: I don’t do game playing, I don’t engage in fuckery and I will not be used or toyed with to make anyone jealous.  In everything I do, I always try to bring honesty, maturity and integrity to the table.  Is that exciting?  No, probably not.  Is that sexy?  Um, probably not.  But I need to keep my conscience clear and I need to be able to sleep at night, even if that means I’m sleeping alone.

So I e-mailed NST back.  I told her that I can clearly see she’s not ready to date me, or anyone for that matter.  I told her that while I understand the pain of heartbreak (god knows!), I think she’s behaving immaturely and that she ought to have been able to recognize that since she works with teenagers on a daily basis. 

Cue Miss-Adventures 2.0 – she can be such an asshole.

I realize it was kind of a low blow, especially since we were still perfect strangers.  It wasn’t really my place to judge her and tell her that I thought she was acting childish, but I felt like I was about to be used as a pawn in her game and I reacted emotionally.  So sue me.

I offered my hand in friendship and one last piece of parting advice: move on, forget your ex boyfriend and don’t give him the satisfaction of your vengeance.  Sage words of wisdom, no?  She didn't exactly tell me to "fuck off" but her passive aggressive radio silence said it for her.  That was the last I ever heard from her.

What a shame.  How I do love a naughty school teacher.

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