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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

“Prospective Dates as Trading Cards?”

Miss-Adventures: A Hapless Helpless Hopeless Dater   

It’s no secret that Nugget and I met on my favorite dating website.  It’s also no secret that ever since we met, we’ve been each other’s sounding board, sources of amusement for dating hilarity, and all-around supportive wing-women.  I could not have asked for a better partner-in-crime to help me navigate through the cold, murky waters of the lesbian dating pool and I’m grateful for her friendship every day. 

Where Gay Husband is my emotional center; quick to lend a hug, a listening ear and a strong shoulder to cry on, Nugget is game for anything; she’s fearless and unafraid to try every possibility to meet new people, and she’s pragmatic in her approach.  These two people, while opposite in nearly every possible way, bring the yin and the yang to Miss-Adventures.

As established in my prior post (“The Craigslist Experiment” Part Two), Nugget and I are, more or less, looking for the same person in entirely different packaging.  I’m a sucker for low-maintenance, high-femme women while Nugget prefers to date on the polar opposite end of the spectrum.  So on occasion, if either one of us received an email from an individual outside of our preferred dating pool, we’d give each other a heads-up and send that prospective date their way.  Think of it as prospective date trading cards: Need it, Need it, Got it, Need it, Got it, Got it… Hey, do you want your gum?  Ooh, is that Brian Wilson's baseball card? 

In December, I had received an email from someone who seemed quite sweet and charming in a puppy dog, please I’ll do anything for you to love me kind of way.  Her emails were laced with far too many emoticons to be taken seriously, her all-time favorite films were all of the Sylvester Stallone “Rocky” movies, she was a corrections officer at a juvenile facility by day and a rent-a-cop for a 24-hour pharmacy by night.  She had three children from a prior relationship and lived in the suburbs.  To top it all off: she looked exactly like a boy.  To say that she was NOT MY TYPE would be the understatement of the year. 

I told the rent-a-cop that I wasn’t interested – hell, it was even in my dating profile that I was only interested in dating femmes.  And I told her that I appreciated all the flattery and attention that she heaped on me and while I thought she was a very sweet person, she just would never be the type of person that I could be attracted to.  On the other hand, I could think of someone who might just entertain the thought of meeting her.  So I told Nugget to check her out on our favorite dating website.

Around that same time, Nugget had received an email from a socially awkward, feminine musician, to which she never replied.  Physically, the musician was more my type, and do I ever have a thing for artists.  She was slightly nerdy but we’ve well-established that nerdy can be a big turn on too.  This would be the perfect time for Nugget and I to start trading cards!

So Nugget directed my attention towards the musician and I sent the rent-a-cop in her direction.  Nothing ever really came out of either trade but it sure was fun.  I never told the musician that that’s how I found her on the dating website and when my friends joined me, the musician and her friends for a night of dancing, I was just dying to see if the musician would recognize Nugget from having cruised her profile just a few weeks earlier.  No, she didn’t.  Damn, I was really hoping she would – awkward introductions always make for great story-telling.

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