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Thursday, March 29, 2012

“Recognizing Social Circle Pitfalls”

Miss-Adventures: A Hapless Helpless Hopeless Dater  

So how do you begin to navigate the pitfalls of inter-social-circle dating?  Obviously, when you’re faced with dating your ex wife’s friend and you share several friends in common, keeping the details of your new relationship personal and private becomes a bit of a challenge.  

My life is intertwined with Ex Wife’s and it likely always will be.  After having spent seven years together and only having split up less than a year ago, we are still neighbors, we have friends in common and she is still very close to my mother.  And because we are so closely tied, working out personal boundaries has been a learning experience since Day One of our breakup.  While we are great friends, we still have a uniquely antagonistic relationship; so naturally, when Glamazon and I began to date, my chief concern was trying to keep my personal life private.  I loathe nothing more than being the subject of talk (unless, of course, the topic is how wonderfully entertaining and amusing this blog is – in which case, TALK AWAY, friends!).

Pitfall Number One:  Glamazon’s ex girlfriend.  While she isn’t friends with my ex wife, she does run in the same social circle.  And considering the fact that Glamazon’s breakup was rather recent when she and I met, out of respect, I wanted to keep our dating as far under the radar as we possibly could to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.  Thankyouverymuch, but douche-baggery is not my idea of having a good time and rubbing someone’s nose in our new relationship just seems cruel.

Fall Out: Facebook isn’t exactly the most discreet place to begin flirting with a girl.  News of our Facebook flirtation broke at record-breaking speed and before you can say, “out of control wild fire”, Glamazon was getting an ear full from her rather unhappy ex girlfriend.  (My bad.)

Pitfall Number Two:  My ex wife talks … a lot.  And her friends talk … a lot.  Do I really want everyone running to one another, to their friends, to their neighbors, to their gay cousin’s postal carrier’s ex husband’s dog walker who only want to talk about me and Glamazon just for the sake of carrying on some meaningless conversation in order to fill the awkward silences in everyday conversation?  Yeeaahh, no.  Thanks, anyway.

Fall Out: Five days before our first date, two of my ex wife’s friends, who I have only met once or twice, literally approached me and said, “So I hear you have a date with [Glamazon’s non-superhero name]?”  Whatthefuck?  Do I know you?

Pitfall Number Three:  My ex wife is still very close to my mother.  In a lot of ways, she’s closer to my mother than I am.  Granted, it’s my own fault for not picking up the phone more often (have we not already established my deep distaste for talking on the phone?), but I’m not entirely comfortable with the two of them discussing my personal life or my girlfriend’s past, present, future, personal stats, information or any other ilk.  Umm, inappropriate much?

Fall Out:  True to form, by the time I got around to actually calling my mother, she had heard every little detail about my own girlfriend from Ex Wife before I had a chance to tell her myself.  Here I was, calling my mom to tell her that I’d like to fly out this Spring for a visit and I’d like to bring Glamazon to ‘meet the parents’ and she said that she had already heard all about her.  I was feeling ever so exasperated and annoyed by my ex’s lack of discretion, and my mother said to me, “Now, don’t get mad at [Ex Wife], it’s not her fault.  You know, we just talk all the time.”  As if that’s a valid excuse for my ex to tell my mother about my new girlfriend?  Inappropriate much?!

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