I’m a big believer in taking stock, deep reflection, utilizing perspective and
applying lessons learned as often as possible towards personal growth. (Hello,
blogosphere, did you know that you’re all passive participants in my own
personal spiritual growth?) In more than six months of dating, here’s what I’ve
learned so far:
(1) Timing is everything. I know I keep repeating myself, but you all know it’s true.
(2) Have some fucking fun! Dating isn’t always fun. In fact, most of the time dating just blows. But what I’ve learned is that if you go into the process with expectations of any kind, you’ll never be satisfied with what you actually experience. So have some fucking fun (or some fun fucking, whatever)! If the date isn’t fun, if your date isn’t fun, if dating isn’t ever any fun, try and find ways to extract amusement from it. In my case, most of my dates weren’t any fun because I was expecting too much from it. But then I started to talk to my friends about them. And then I started to realize just how amusing and sometimes downright unbelievable my stories turned out to be. So I decided to write about it. And then the writing became enough of an excuse to continue to put myself out there. BINGO! I found my fun.
(3) Journaling (or in my case, blogging) may, in fact, be your salvation. Write it all down. Write down your heartbreak, your amusements, your observations, your frustrations, your loneliness and your pain. Then go back and re-read it all when your head and heart are in a better space. Then write down how your perspective has changed, and the lessons you’ve learned both about yourself and about your past and present loves. It’ll shock the shit out of you when you realize what you’ve picked up along the way and what has led you to this point.
(4) Enjoy the hell out of your friends, both old and new. They’ll be the ones to pick you up when you’re crumpled in a heap on the kitchen floor. They’ll be the ones to not only remind you that you are sexy, funny, worth being around, and a hell of a lot of fun to be with, they’ll be the ones celebrating you when you don’t have the strength or good humor to celebrate yourself.
(5) Suffer fools gladly. Yes those bad dates, bumps in the road, bruises on your heart and ego, and humiliating experiences of one catastrophe after another suck (boy, do they!). But after the sucking is over (keep your minds out of the gutter, I meant that innocently!), after you’ve laughed about your bad dates, after your arse has healed from one too many bumps in the road, and after the bruises on your heart and ego have all begun to fade, you’ll begin to understand that it was not all wasted time. Those fools helped shape you. Those fools helped shape your mind’s picture of the person you know that you deserve. And those fools will help you to recognize and appreciate the absolute goodness once you do find it.
(6) Acknowledge the pivotal roles that your rebounds have played. There are those rebounds who hurt your heart and there are those that heal your heart. I had one of each and I’m grateful to them both. The One Who
Dedicated to Gay Husband, who has been my emotional rock, my superhero and my sounding board throughout it all and who deserves to find his own true and deep romance. Dedicated to Nugget, who brings the diamond sparkle to my social life, who continues to push forward in the same search and who always manages to find the humor in bad dates. Dedicated to Ex Wife who helped shape the woman I am today, who loved me for seven long years and continues to love me, support me and bring me to hysterics like only a true bestie can do. Dedicated to Helen of Troy for bringing sexy back, for being the first to truly see the fire that burns deeply inside of me (in so many different ways) and for being a truly decent person who forges through her relationships with class, dignity and honesty. And especially dedicated to the upcoming recurring character who I pray will forever be my recurring character, my pivotal person, my go-to for love, support, understanding, laughter and really great sex. After suffering so many fools and even being a fool myself, you make it all feel worth it. I love you.