“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.” (Carrie Bradshaw - Sex & The City)
YES. Exactly that.
I’m so incredibly fortunate. I thank my good luck Every. Single. Day. that, not only did I find that kind of love, but that my new love was also looking for that kind of love. Can you imagine it?: wanting “real, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love” and actually finding it? Love like that is miraculous and so hard to find.
Love like that is, actually, all-consuming. Yes, I realize that I’m in the honeymoon phase. And yes, I realize that my new love and I are trapped in what’s often referred to as “the love bubble” or “the love cocoon”. You know “the love bubble”, right? It’s when you’re so consumed by lust and love that you’ve temporarily forsaken all of your friendships and stopped answering your phone, and everyone just assumes that you were swallowed up by the Bermuda Triangle. And they’re right: you have, in a way. But really, you’ve just been too busy having lots of hot, dirty sex and nesting in your new apartment to notice that your family and friends are waving a giant “Hey asshole, remember me?!” flag in front of your face. And they’re right: you are an asshole. But the important thing to remember is that you are a temporary asshole.
Your good friends will remember that the love bubble is temporary and that you still love them even in your absence. And, if you’re a good friend, you’ll pop your head out of the cocoon once in a while and tell them that you still love them (even in your absence). And so this is me: popping my head out of the cocoon.
There’s a part of me that feels guilty for putting my family and friends on the back burner. It’s times like these when feelings get hurt and misunderstandings arise more often than they normally would. (Ehem, you know who you are.) For that, I’d like to offer my mea culpas but I would also like to ask those family and friends for a little more understanding and patience. Because here’s the thing: I never forget that my family and friends held me up while I was at my worst moments. They loved me, listened to me, offered a shoulder to cry on, drank with me and made me laugh to the point of hysterics when I needed them most. And, like the truly great family and friends that they are, they’re patiently hanging out in the peripheral zone with supportive smiles and encouraging words while waiting for my eventual emergence from the love bubble.
I’m not always good about reaching out to my family and friends. “Staying in touch” for me is a status update on Facebook or writing this blog. I suck at maintaining communication. I’m also not a heart-on-her-sleeve kind of girl and telling my family and friends how much they mean to me doesn’t always come easily. I could (and should) do a better job about picking up the phone, planning play dates, touching base and checking in. Because here’s the thing that I need to remind myself: it’s not all about ME right now! (See what I mean?! - “All-Consuming”.) I thank those friends who remind me that they want to hang out or those family members who’ve called me when I haven’t been so good about calling them because it’s been far too easy to put everyone on the back burner and forget that they need me too.
The hardest part about feeling this “consuming, inconvenient love” is the toll it’s taking on my family and friends. For the most part, everyone is super excited and happy to see me so loved up (and thank you for that!). But there are those few who, I think, have been feeling separation pangs while I’ve been hibernating in the love bubble. And for that, I feel a little guilty. And so I say to you, those “few”: I’m sorry I’ve been so consumed in my love bubble and negligent with our friendship. I’m sorry I’ve been largely unreachable. I’m sorry I haven’t been more attentive. But please know that I’m grateful to you for your love, friendship, support and sideline cheering. It hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated, even though it may seem as though it has.
I love you all and am grateful to you for your continued friendship, love, support and reminders to not “fuck this new relationship up”. You’re amazing and you continue to hold me up even when you don’t know that you do.