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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Romantic Atheism vs. The Love Bubble

Miss-Adventures: An Unabashedly Schmoopy Girlfriend 

Greetings from the Love Bubble.  I realize it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything new.  It’s not that I don’t love you.  It’s just that I’ve been floating around in the Love Bubble, enjoying the simple pleasures of quiet dinners at home, weekends visiting and introductions to out-of-town family and after-hours/weekend social sports activities.  Life is good.  No.  Life is better than good.  It’s beautiful, sweet, happy and filled with epic romance.  (Don’t gag!  I just told you that I’ve been in a Love Bubble.  What’d you expect?)

So now that you know why it’s taken me so long to show you all some love, you may be wondering why I’ve decided to poke my head out now.  I’ll tell you:

Some fucking romantic-atheist went and popped my Love Bubble!

Not to worry.  I’m really good at finding my way back.  But until then, I’d like to use this forum as a chance to cleanse myself of the messy altercation with aforementioned romantic atheist.  Think of it as an asshole shower.

So this is me.  Showering.

For a few months, Glamazon and I have been happily enjoying our new love.  I’m not going to lie, we often joke that “we’re the couple that everyone hates”.  We’re THAT cute.  We’re schmoopy, lovey, affectionate, and our conversations tend to go like this: “I love you.”  “I love you more.”  “No you don’t.  I love YOU more.”  It’s cutesy and shameless, and neither of us really care because, quite frankly, it feels good to be that silly, goofy and unabashedly in love.  Don’t be fooled though, as schmoopy as we are, nothing we do is inappropriate.  We don’t french kiss in public, we don’t feel each other up at the bar and we don’t post any sexually explicit photos online.  We’re too busy staring at each other from across the room or holding hands everywhere we go to do anything tawdry.  Like respectful, grown adults, we save the PG-13 through X-Rated stuff for the privacy of our own home. 

All that said, it’s not uncommon for our friends on Facebook to see a cutesy comment written on either one of our walls.  “Happy Tuesday, Wonderful!”, or “I’m so grateful for your love.”, or  “You are beautiful, wonderful and amazing.” are often graffitied on our Facebook walls.  Schmoopy?  Oh hell yeah – there’s no question.  Are we opening ourselves up to eye-rolls and mimed fingers down throats?  Totally.  But I never actually thought that someone (much less a very close friend with whom I have a long and intimate history) would be so annoyed by it that they would actually try to pop our Love Bubble.

So imagine my surprise when I look at Facebook and see my friend’s status update: “PDA on Facebook is so unnecessary.”  Now, I wasn’t tagged or mentioned specifically but I had a strong feeling that her comment was pointed directly at me and Glamazon.  So in private, I sent her a text message:

“Hey there – quick question: was your FB “PDA” comment directed towards me & [Glamazon]?  I hope it wasn’t.  If it is, then I’ll try to be more careful.  If it’s not, then I’m sorry to have asked.”

And she replied:

“It was a comment made for the general public, but honestly, yes it got to be a bit much w/ you and [Glamazon] constantly junking up my feed, so I minimized you two about a month ago so it doesn’t come up.”

Did she just tell me that I was “junking up” her feed?!  Wow.

“I’ll unfriend.  Sorry to have “junked up” your feed.  I didn’t think it would bother you, especially since [Glamazon] was your friend to begin with and you have [your own girlfriend].

Please know that I never intended to bother you w/ my relationship.”

“You’re completely misunderstanding why it’s bothering me.  Facebook isn’t the place for gushing for anyone.  I LOVE [my girlfriend] and I mean LOVE, but I’m not going to alienate and gross out my friends/family by posting it on facebook on a daily basis.  We txt/call etc each other like most people.  Throwing it all over facebook looks flaunting and insecure.”

“That’s a passing judgment.  I’m sorry that “gushing” grosses you out but that’s your issue, not mine.  And there’s no flaunting or insecurity.  It’s just happiness (happiness that a real friend wouldn’t make me feel bad about experiencing).  It’s photos from an out of town trip.  And certainly not posted with you or anyone else in mind.”

“AGAIN missing the point.  What photos?  I haven’t seen your feed in over a month.  Today, my facebook status was for the general public.  Whatever is going on your facebooks I haven’t even seen in over a month.  I AM happy for you, BOTH!  I just got sick of seeing it all over fb every other second.  It’s a passing judgment yeah, but I’m entitled to my opinion and you asked after all.  And if you’re so happy why do you even care what my opinion is?”

“Then may I ask what triggered your status in the first place?  Was it another couple “junking up” your feed?

You ARE entitled to your opinion but I felt unnecessarily targeted by your status.  I asked because I felt I had upset you.  I didn’t ask for a passing judgment about “insecurity” or “flaunting”.

“1 – no you didn’t upset me
2 – no it was not triggered by you specifically but an accumulation of it over time by you AND others.
3 – who are you?  Where is the pessimistic [Miss-Adventures] that would have barfed at this too.  Just my opinion, if a couple wants to be mushy w/ each other why can’t they do it in a private manner?  It works well for [my girlfriend] and I.”

“1.  Good, because I don’t like upsetting my friends.
2.  It felt directed at me and [Glamazon].  And to add to it, I felt that [another friend]’s added comments were also pointedly directed at [Glamazon].
3.  ‘Pessimistic [Miss-Adventures]’ is happy.  I’ve never felt so good and if the person responsible for making me happy wants to gush publicly about how happy I make her, then that makes me proud.  I don’t feel ashamed for being happy or in love.

No one else has said that they’re bothered by it.  If anything, most people have been thrilled to see me so happy.  It makes me wonder why it’s seemingly MORE appropriate to air grievances publicly than happiness.  Personally, I would rather see someone’s happiness than someone’s bitchings.”

“No one else has had the balls to tell you they feel the same as me.  I didn’t have the balls to either but you asked and I decided to be honest.  Again I’m happy for you and [Glamazon] and I hope you live long lives with lots of cats and babies… but if I see one more heart or xoxo I’m gonna cut a bitch.  And I’m serious.  I’m truly happy for u both.”

“I’ve unfriended you so you don’t have to “cut a bitch”.  Also, I think you’re being a really crappy friend so maybe we should just call an end to our friendship.”

“That was my attempt at humor.  I think you’re overreacting.

Also I have nothing to do w/ what [another friend] says.”

“OK, whatever.  But I still think it’s crappy and I don’t need judgmental or negative friends.  I don’t do drama.  You and [another friend] can manage on your own.”

“I just said I have nothing to do w/ what [another friend] is saying.  She delivers low blows and it’s rude but it wasn’t from me.  And you’re taking it out on me.  I thought we had this resolved.  I had no drama attached to this and suddenly you want to end your friendship w/ me?”

“You’re judgmental and unsupportive.  Your FB post was rude and your texts were ruder still.  I have no time nor desire for this kind of friendship.  I’ve always tried to support you and have always had your back and this hurts tremendously.  I don’t need hurtful friends.”

The conversation later continued verbally and it just got uglier from there.  I’ll spare you the rest of the gory details but sufficed to say, I’ve decided to end that friendship.  It hurts and I’m feeling terribly down and sad about the loss of someone I cared deeply for but our friendship hadn’t been working for a very long time.  This, unfortunately, was a culmination of events and resentments that had been building for far too long.

There’s a part of me that does feel that I over-reacted.  But then I remember that she hasn’t been a very good friend for a long time and hasn’t been at all supportive since Glamazon and I started dating.  To be perfectly honest, I haven’t always been a very good friend to her either.  I’ll take ownership of that.  I’ve always cared about her and have always had her back in crisis and otherwise, but neither of us have enjoyed our friendship in a long time.  And when I stopped and really thought about my failings and hers, her selfish behavior, lack of support and judgmental comments, my biting critiques and building resentments, it occurred to me that this friendship wasn’t working. 

And after my pity party, after my raging anger and after the post-friend-fight blues, I went straight into the arms of my lady love.  Because a hug from her can bring me right back down to reality.  And not just any reality: my new reality.  A reality that exists in love, romance, comfort and sublime schmoopiness.  And I’m embracing the schmoopiness, regardless of romantic atheists who cannot.

Now please excuse me while I cocoon myself back in the Bubble.

Love to you all.  And thanks for allowing me this self-indulgent purge.  Really.  Thank you.

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