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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A Roller Coaster of Emotions

Breaking up is exactly that.  My emotions are ever shifting, ever changing and ever contradicting one another.  And boy, are those shifts and changes motherfucking intense.  I vacillate between feeling hurt, self-pitying, strong, in control, out of control, angry, disappointed, sad, and then I start all over again.  It's unpredictable; one mood doesn't naturally follow another.  The cycle changes, the duration of each mood changes and I'm always caught off guard when I move from one strong emotion to an entirely contradictory one less than a minute later.  Just when I think I know how I feel and what I want, it moves and shifts all over again.

Here's the thing:  I know what I want.  I am certain of it.  And then... when I least expect it... what I wanted has completely changed...  Again.  And it'll change back...  And it'll change back again.  What the fuck, Me?  This would all be so much easier if I could get my heart, my mind and my soul on the same page, but not only are they not on the same page, they're not even reading the same fucking book!  All three want something different and I struggle to reconcile these ever-arguing, ever-opinionated and ever-changing motherfuckers.

I know, I know. "Time heals all wounds".  "This too shall pass." and yadda yadda yadda.  Believe me, I'm giving it the time it deserves, and I know that this state of struggle won't last forever... I just wish I could press fast-forward on this bitch of a situation because I'm getting so weary.


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