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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Familiar Faces, Giving Thanks and My Letter to Santa

Is it too much to ask to not have to see the same tragic faces on the online dating scene that I saw a year ago?  I mean, what is wrong with these people that they're still single over a year later?  Oh wait... Shit.  That makes me a tragic face too.
In the last several weeks I've seen "Sensitive Mess", "World's Worst Date", "The Relationship Guru", and countless other familiar faces on the dating website.  And this is not counting the faces that I actually know in real life: social circle friends, real life friends and friends that I've made because I went on dates with them a year ago.  *Sigh*  The dating pool is entirely too small.
I find myself wanting to justify my return to the online dating scene.  Like, I want to post on my profile, "Yeah, I'm still here but it's not because I'm so screwed up that I've taken up permanent residence in online dating!"  But really, who's to say that these people haven't been through the same mess that I have?  Or that they weren't smart enough to avoid the train wreck that I experienced.  Or that they aren't perfectly happy with their lives just as they are and don't actually mind being single.  Or that they're not just more discriminating in their relationship choices.  I can be such a dick - when did I become so judgey?
Me?  I don't particularly enjoy being single.  After spending seven years with my ex wife and then falling head-over-heels for (and subsequently U-Hauling with) Glamazon, I know this about myself: I am a relationship person.  I get a deep sense of peace and calm when I'm in love.  I am a stronger person in love and am capable of facing any challenge that life brings.  I like being part of a family and I like coming home to the same person every night.  I am deeply satisfied (and perhaps even find validation) in love.
I kind of wish I could be one of those people who enjoys being single.  I wish I could be the type of person who enjoys meeting new people all the time or playing the field.  Don't get me wrong, I've had fun dating and I've enjoyed meeting some of the people that I've met, but I feel the whole online dating scene is a lot like constantly interviewing for a new job.  I don't want to interview forever.  I want to land a glorious job, settle in, make myself a legend and happily retire there.
As the holidays approach, I need to remind myself to be grateful for what I have rather than focus on what I do not.  I have excellent friends.  I have a family who love me.  I have a beautiful apartment with two monstrous felines who bring me joy, unconditional love and endless amusement.  I have a job that gets the bills paid and affords me just enough extra cash to shower my loved ones with gifts during the holiday season.  And I have had great love in my life.  And I need to remind myself that I will have great love again.  But really, is it too much to ask…
Dear Santa:
Please bring someone extraordinary into my life.  Please bring me a mature, intelligent, faithful, strong, sexy, "short skirt, long jacket", "femme on the outside, dyke on the inside", woman.  But above all else, please, please bring me some new faces to look at on that goddamned dating website!
Many thanks in advance,
Miss-Adventures, a Hopeless Dater

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