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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Message in a Bottle

I'm guilty of them.  In fact, it's become a regular occurrence.  Not literally, of course.  Who has that many bottles lying around?  And what of the poor whales and dolphins?  Environmentalists would have a field day with me!  No.  My bottled messages often come in the form of journal entries that are never read by anyone other than myself, "public" posts to my Facebook page in the vague hopes that she still peaks at my profile from time to time, and taking the exact route to work where I know she might see me riding by on my motorcycle.  I suppose even this blog entry is bottled message.

The resolution of our relationship was drug out for far too long.  It was a slow bleeding to death.  There were fits and starts, talks of reconciliation and 'what if's'.  In the end, it is decided that we shall go our separate ways: she with "The Other", and me with whatever or whomever may come.  So we have agreed to cease all direct contact.  And she's right: it's for the best.  Despite wanting to maintain some sort of friendship with her, I know that we cannot be in each other's lives because the feelings still remain.  And I recognize that until those feelings are no longer felt, seeing each other, speaking to each other and emailing each other is just too painful.

So why do I send out my bottled messages?  I suppose I like the thought of being on her mind.  I suppose I like to remind her of my love and our happy memories together.  I suppose, because I am a hopeless romantic, I never gave up hope.  And despite all my attempts to fill my day with work, friends, new lovers, reading, listening to music and watching tv and movies to keep my mind from wandering back to her, I can't force my mind to wander away from her.  So I suppose I send my bottled messages out into the universe because she never leaves the forefront of my mind, and my hope is that I never leave the forefront of hers.  

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