So, I paid for a dating site, as many of you know. I just bit the bullet and went for it, to see if it's any different from the free sites. It is, because never, ever, have I gotten text messages like these before (by the way, I have no qualms about giving out my number to strangers. It's not like they're going to tap my cell phone, and the "ignore call" button is my BFF):
Him: Hi, hottie.
Me: Oh. Hello.
Him: I find you so sexy.
Me: You might want to reserve that judgement until after you've met me. I could have a third eye.
Him: I'm sure you don't. You look very tasty! :) lol
Me: After the cannibal cop story, I'm not sure how I feel about that...
Him: lol No, baby, in a sexy way. lol
Me: Oh. Thanks. I think.
Him: So will you let me?
Me: Let you...what?
Him: Taste :)
Me: You know, here I was hoping you had something to say instead of just being a dude paying an internet site to help him get laid.
Me: And, by the way? My name is not, nor has it ever been, "Hottie."
Him: You're gorgeous, what's your name?
Me: You're persistent, aren't you?
Him: Yes, I know what you want!
Me: A bigger apartment? A live-in maid? A promotion?
Him: Someone as wonderful as you.
Me: Wow, you totally read my mind! I do want someone as wonderful as me...with a bigger apartment that they LOVE to clean.
Him: And a naughty side!
Me: Actually, the person I want keeps their naughty side to themselves until it's the appropriate time because they respect me.
I think he was confused about the meaning of the words "appropriate" and "respect," because, inexplicably, he stopped texting. Weird.