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Monday, December 3, 2012

Miss-Adventures: The Waste Land of Failed Dates

Chalk another lady up to "Blog Material".  Yep, you probably guessed it - "You Smell Delicious" is another one for the books.
This is the trouble with online dating: you really don't know a single fucking thing about the person you're interested in.  Are they serious about wanting to date?  Have they been traumatized by past lovers?  Are they chronically depressed and struggling through chemical dependency issues?  Does the idea of getting to know someone new freak them out?  Am I the woman they see themselves dating?  Are they seeing someone else already but uncommitted?  Are they secretly a bunny-boiler posing as a totally lovely, witty and normal woman?  I don't know!
It's easy, when meeting someone new, to project your ideas of who someone is onto them.  I try really hard to not do that and I've certainly gotten better about it since I began this journey a year and a half ago.  I have also learned to not get my hopes up about someone and to simply accept whatever it is that someone new brings to the table without prejudgment and expectation.  With every new date that I've been on, I've gotten more practice at learning to meet people where they are, as they are and who they are.  This time was no different.  So when my friends and family ask me about my most recent dates, I always say, "Well, we'll see…"
I had a really nice time with "You Smell Delicious" when we met for our first date.  She was pleasantly surprising.  As I had said before, I had sensed a disconnect and some resistance from her when attempting to get to know each other a bit through email before our date.  And, as I said before, when I sense disconnect, those dates rarely go well at all.  But our date was really lovely!  But then… more disconnect and resistance.  Hmm… (*scratches head contemplatively*)
I'm a benefit-of-the-doubt girl though (to a fucking fault, if I might add).  I always tend to believe the best in people.  So I told myself to play it cool, respect her space, don't come on too strong (even if I really did want that kiss!) and don't always assume that disconnect is always about me.  So I hung back, accepting that it's quite possible that "You Smell Delicious" prefers to get to know someone slowly, or communicating via text or email just isn't her thing.  And playing it cool paid off… for a minute.  She asked me out.  She suggested plans for our date.  She told me that ours was the best date that she had had in a really long time and she couldn't stop herself from smiling.  (Yay for me!  I'm awwwwwwesome!)  So we made a second date.  And we spent the next several days firming up the details of our date by text (where to meet, what time to meet, which restaurant we should have dinner at, etc.)  And then…
For three days.
Finally, the date of our date rolled around.  And I decided after three days of hearing goddamned crickets, I would confirm seven hours before our date.  And then…
For five hours.
At 5:00, I finally got a phone call. 
YSD: "I'm so sorry, I know I should have called you sooner and but I just couldn't get it together today.  I kept thinking that I would be able to rally and see you tonight but I just can't."
Miss-Adventures: "Okay…"
YSD: "I had a really great time with you last weekend and if anyone could motivate me to rally and get it together, it's you, but I think I just over-extended myself this week."
Miss-Adventures: "Mmhmm…"
YSD: "Look, I know how this must seem and I know that when someone cancels at the last minute, one might think that they'll never hear from that someone again or one might never want to hear from that someone again but I assure you that's not the case here."
Miss-Adventures: "Uh huh…"
YSD: "I'm really sorry.  I hope you can understand."
Miss-Adventures: "Mmhmm…"
YSD: "I hope you'll let me make it up to you one day because I do want to see you again."
Miss-Adventures: "Well, you have my number.  If you want to make that happen, you know how to get ahold of me."
YSD: "Yeah, I do."
Miss-Adventures: "Okay, well it sounds like you need some rest, so take care of yourself."
YSD: "You too."
Miss-Adventures: "Thank you."
YSD: "Bye."
I'm sorry but "benefit of the doubt" or not, that smelled of bullshit to me.  Either this lady's got emotional troubles that she's not willing to admit or she's just not that into me.  Regardless, it is absolutely inexcusable to cancel a date with two hours to go.  I don't know about the rest of you but even for a casual date, Miss-Adventures tries her best to pull it all together while appearing as if it were all easy and natural.  Let me assure you, none of this is natural, boys and girls!  I shaved my legs, had a mani-pedi, had my eyebrows freshly waxed, picked out my best second date outfit and even cleaned my house from top to bottom, on the off chance that I might invite her in for a drink at the end.  Two hours before my date, I was already dressed, lipstick and (delicious smelling) perfume on and ready for a night out!  In-Ex-Cusable!
So, I hung up the phone, changed out of my cute outfit, put on my super comfy, but much less sexy yoga pants and favorite sweatshirt, threw my perfectly coiffed hair into a ponytail and parked my ass on the sofa with my little feline monsters, who were all too happy to shower me with the attention that YSD could not muster up the energy to do.
So long, YSD.  You've been banished to the Waste Land of Failed Dates.  

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