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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Safe Sex?


Practicing safe sex.  I was perusing the Google How-To page and I ran across the headline: "How to Practice Safe Sex".  But didn't we all get that class in junior high school?  
Students, this is how you roll a condom onto a banana/cucumber/baby carrot/egg plant.  
We all learned about STD's, pregnancy risks and the proper names of boys' and girls' reproductive bits.  But I started to think: no one taught us how to practice emotionally safe sex.
Like most of you out there, I got the same spiel that mom and dad passed along.  
When a mommy and daddy love each other, they hug and kiss and the daddy puts his… 
Well, I needn't go further but you get it, right?  We were all taught that LOVE was the emphasis.  This is what couples do when they're "in love."  I think we can all agree that sex is better between two people in love; it's absolutely sublime.  And it's admirable, the emphasis that mommy and daddy placed on a loving sexual relationship.  But come on, let's get real: more often than not, we're just getting our freak-nasty on without much forethought about emotional protection.
By show of hands, how many of you were prepared for the emotional baggage that came with your first one night stand?  Or a random hook-up?  How about that guy/girl you just kinda liked?  Or a pity fuck?  How did you navigate the rules of a friend with benefits?  What about with that guy/girl who already had a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband?  Or the mother of all emotionally unsafe sex: a 'please, I just want to forget my ex' fuck?  (Trust me: those never work out as well as you hope!)  With all of that and hundreds of other different types of emotionally unprotected sex, is it any wonder why we're all so screwed up about it?
How many times were you faced with the dreaded "dry spell" and when the opportunity presented itself, you took it without commitment, without expectation and without giving so much as a second thought to "Dear Baby Jesus, I just want to end this god-awful drought!"?  How many times after having your heart broken did you try to fuck the pain away?  How many times have you used sex as a weapon?  That is, to spite an ex with someone else, or to engage in angry sex with your lover after a knock-down, drag-out fight?  And how many times did you rush into sex with someone new because you wanted to lock them down into something more committed?  How many times did you feel a relationship unraveling and use sex as a way to hang on to your lover just a little longer?
These are the things that mommy and daddy never prepared us for.  These are the things that our teachers never taught us in junior high sex-ed class.  You know, they really ought to make condoms for that.

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